Worthless Rambling

Can't sleep

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 10:07:23 GMT

Wish i could sleep right now. Mostly because i'm depressed, because i haven't done any real modeling in like months I have a shoot coming up in like a week with a friend of a friend and at this point I think after this up comeing job I'm just going to quit modeling all together. I'm getting chubby, No one want to work with me, and no one likes any of my new stuff because I don't look like a 12 yearold. *sigh* Fan-fucking-tastic. the only people asking for jobs are college art classes and umm yeah thats when you know your no good any more. i think I'm going to go for a walk.... ehhhhh.

Don't mind me... I'm just being awesome....

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 13:48:46 GMT

Its been 3 months since i last drew any thing. I had thought that my muse had left me. But after hanging out with a friend of mine for very nearly 24hours I came home and was hit with inspiration onec again. So I'm now currently working on a new study of the female body so I can draw the creation that i have in my head. But usually i can just look at images of models and such to get shape and movement.. This time i am haveing to go to a photographer freind for help...And i guess I'm going to have to pose for my own drawing model, haha i rock. So i'm all sorts of happy..but yeah thats it for now.

you know what pisses me off?

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 02:59:53 GMT

Hearing a 7 year old get "disciplined" in the next room. So my brother in law has found a new was to abuse his children. He has what is called the slap system. For every time jon messes up he has a X amount of slaps across the hands or ass. Now this is a normal slap this is a slap that was so hard i heard it 3 doors over. That's not discipline that's abuse. And if its not bad enough that he's beating his kid he yells as loud as he can 3 inc from he kids face..... yeah that's effective ass hole. Lets humiliate my child more than i already have. I don't hit kids out of anger. When i'm upset with one of the kids i talk to them sternly. How can a kid under stand what your saying when your screaming? Fucking idiots.

Love sick

Tue, 31 May 2005 02:25:55 GMT

We got out of the car , gave him his bags, huged him goodbye and sent him on his way back to ft sill. I was fine.
His mom drove and we takled about him growing up. But i was still fine.
I came home played on my computer, aet some bread, talked to my folks and got sleepy i wanted a nap. I got to my door threw my self on the bed and then it finally happened i wasn't fine any more.
It took me not haveing my snuggly pat walking in behind me and flopping down on the bed next to me for it to register that i was alone again.
I tryed to tell my self he'd be home in a month to shut the fuck up there was no reson to carry on like his.
I wasn't very effectiv.... what the fuck is wrong with me?
Not like he was home for 6 months and then left for a year hell he wasn't even here for a week hell not even half a week. Why and i so sad over nothing at all? somethign i should be use to by now. Cause about a week ago i was finally use to him being gone and being on my own. Haveing only a phone to connect me to him. The worst part about this hole missing him bullshit that happens every time he comes home and then leavs is that i cant eat, i only get sleep when i cry so much my eyes swell shut, Mt tummy hurts, my nose is chaped, i can't wear makeup, and the ever linguring htought that i'm alone again only thins time there is no jen to keep me company and no rommates to make the time go faster... fuck it i did it to my self....

Rock climbing

Mon, 16 May 2005 04:03:45 GMT

So I went to my siser home in SD. So we could wake up suday and go rock climbing int he hills. So we are driving around and see thes pretty rocks so we drive to it and see it inside a resort we go ok we can ask so we ask if it was ok to come in and climb they say sure 5 doller parking ok thats fine. we are wlakign tot he rock and BAM NAKED PEOPLE! its a fuckign nudist col. hahahaha but ont his property is the movie set of heart brek hotel still in perfect condition. and some nice cave like things it would be great for a photo shoot i think. but it was fun and funny good times.

Tue, 10 May 2005 01:58:59 GMT

so i have a hamptser names toby... hes over weight HIIIGHLY over weight so this is my plan to get him in shape.

Blank

Tue, 03 May 2005 07:08:24 GMT

He wraps his arms around me and kisses my shoulders to wake me up,
I'd roll over and and kiss you back but your not there...
A dream... Just a dream... It make me sad to know i can't have that.
Its hard to have love and no lover ,you forget sometimes that you have one when all you have is a little silver box to listen to or pictures on a wall to stair at before you go to sleep... knowing that not to long ago you went to sleep looking at that same person in the pictures laying next to you breathing on your neck and pressing there chest to your back.
Its hard to think that not to long ago i laid with my ear against you and drifted to sleep listening to your heart beat.
Its hard to rememberthe way you feel but hard to forget how you sound when thats the only thing i am very familiar with.
I'ts event harder to write about you when i can't see the screen threw the wall of tear that have built up.
I can't help but think i have someone that will hold me but can't, I can't help but think why you stay with me.. how can you stay with someone your not with. I stay because i know that i would die of depression if i was not with you, i stay because i know you'll come back , i stay because i know you love me and i know thats a hard thing to do, I stay because your worth it because I'm fucking crazy because i like to hurt my self because i'm afraid to lose you because i'm afraid to miss out, i stay because people tell me to leave........I miss you.

My poor poor gay boy

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 01:13:07 GMT

So my friend danny has been feeling ill for a few days now...
Hes to embairassed to tell any one but a good friend.
and it sadens me to know that he has the big A now... he got it from Chad i know who he found out he was getting cheated on now.
Hes only 18 and hes such a sweet person.
I hate to think that its happened to two of my friends... I'm mad at chad for doing it mostly. but what doesn't kill him will make him stronger.

Tonight

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 08:26:01 GMT

So yeah i went to a friend of mines concert today. and... It was great with a capital P. then again how could i expect any less from this person. and she is the only performance i can go to and sit next to a zombie goth and ninja all that the same time. but good as expected. I also have a graphics final in a few weeks and i have to design a CD cover... now when i first heard this i was like DAMN i wish i could use Summer cause well she rocks and i know here and it would make my final more personal and exciting for me. And then i found out from another friend that she is doing a cd sometime and he was going to do a CD cover thingy as well and i was well fuck i'll just use that from my project then.. why the fuck not.
So yeah in a summed up way had a great night, listened to awesome music, hung out with good friends,and found something out to do a final on. I rock...ok not really but i can lie to my self.

tomarow

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 05:27:09 GMT

Yeah so tomarow i am suppost to go over to a friends house to work on desighning movie sets for an unknown named up comeing movie....
But i talked to him and hes hinting at working tomarow ex. well plans are still on unless i get called into work... and if i get called in i have to go.
So this to me sounds like i'm still upset about chad and don't really feel like company this weekend so i might cancle on you. Which is fine cause i can just go do something a little less productive.
But i still have a week and a half to go and i alredy know what the sets are going to look like i just need to draw out.
sigh* it'll get done

Silly bear

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 15:10:51 GMT

This morning i woke up really early, so i went for a walk.
I went around my block once and then came back.
On my way walking toward my home i saw something quite odd looking sitting in the street.....hmmm what is this i wondered.
It was still quite dark out so i could not make out what the object was.
I walked up to the unknown object and poked at it with my mind stick.
Haha a wallet woohoo maybe thers money in it.
So i picked it up... there was no money found in side...BUT! there was my sisters ID cards and Credit cards.
Yes jennifer dropped her wallet in the middle of the stree.*clap clap clap*
nice one blondie.

Sigh

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 01:01:05 GMT

Lately I haven't been sleeping well.
Mostly i sleep for 4 hours, wake up for 4 hours, go back to bed for 4 hours.

So i got out of my room at about 5:30pm.
As usually my grandmother AKA Satan was in a fowl mood.
and immediately started yelling at me about how me and jen need to stay home for a weekend and go look at apartments.
Ok she has a point.
Yes we do need to move out, yes in order to do so we do need to go look at some apartments, and yes me and jen need to do this in a timely fashion.

*sigh* I hate this.
I need a job.
I need a home.
I need a Quaalude.

So there i was.......

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 12:00:14 GMT

So My sister gen is know for being a bit of a silly ass during the day *that's fine i am as well.
And we have lived together for almost 18 years wow that's a loooong time.
We'v shared a room at times.
Cloths,food,friends all that happy go lucky stuff
recently i have not seen much of my sister she's been busy with life.
So i woke up about oooooooh 2:30ish and went to the bathroom as one does when they first wake up.
and I heard talking in my sisters room.....
Hmmm interesting she could be on the phone i guess...
or maybe talking to her self I commonly do that......
so i wash my hands and go to her door and listen in to see what's going on.
Then a loud burst of Laughing ensues LOUD laughing...hmmmmm odd it goes on for about 2 minutes then dies down.
I knock on her door and say "Gen :knock Knock: are you awake?" then was replied with " Nooooooooooooo :snore snore:" ...... i do not know how quite to place this. she could have been on the phone and being a smart ass with me though i highly doubt it.
I think she got a MAAAAD case of crazy in her sleep and was probably dreaming about bashing a small pirate child's skull open with a barstool and laughing aimlessly at the confetti the busted from the chilled cause as it turned out it was actually a piñata.....Stupid piñatas :gummble grummble:

Test

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 00:18:34 GMT

Where do you want to be in five years? Building movie sets for disney films and working twards building my house.

Alternately: being a college student still

Knowing yourself, where will you be in five years? Building movie sets for disney films and working twards building my house.

If I gave you twenty bucks right now, what would you do with it? Put it up for a rainy day.

$100? Deposit

$1000? Deposit

Would you sacrifice your morals for $1000? Hell yes i would.

Would you sacrifice your morals? Only for money.
Do you impulsively prepare to defend yourself at the sight of other people? No

Do you envision gory onslaughts while looking at people walking down the street? If i'v had a bad day yes.

...while looking at children walking down the street? No

Do you often have violent or mentally disturbing dreams? Yes

Have you ever had a true "night terror"(look it up if you have doubts)? If so, describe your most vivid

night terror: Yes something baout when i woke up i threw up what looked like white water.

Pick a song that reminds you of your childhood: "Basket case" by green day

Pick a song that reminds you of the first time your heart broke over someone: "you don't know" by reel big fish"

How many jellybeans are in this jar? A lot

It's a really big jar, are you sure? Oh yes its a rather larg jar so yes a lot

You're still wrong. *sigh* oh well I'll live.

If a train in Riverside was travelling East at 60mph, and another train was travelling west in Riverside at 55mph... would you envision a devestating collision in your head? No.

Were there people thrown out of windows? Well after the geldale Metro crash i would imagin there would be.

Do you compulsively make lists and write things down? YES.

Do you like taking corners fast? Sometimes

Do you collect things? If so, what? No

Can you fire a hand gun? Yes. And hit the target.

Do you sing in the shower? If so, what do you usually sing? Yes mostly show tunes.

Do you often stick your foot in your mouth? Yes.

Do you often drop things? Yes.

I'll bet there's something wrong with you. I bet your right.

What comes to mind when you hear just the word "scat"? German

How often do you view porn? Hmmmmmm every day not my choic though.

If you could have one super power, what would it be, and would you use it for good, or for awesome!? Awesome of corse jackass. but i would pick the power to heal any thing and every thing. physically or mentaly.

Opening

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 08:06:06 GMT

Ok i'm new to this hole live journal thing but ebloggy is currently still being a jack ass *shakes fist* So yeah just as a heads up I'm a 17 year old with no life out side of college and my older sister its kind of like Napoleon Dynamite but not as flipping sweet, so any ways bare with my almighty crappyness and since less ranting.